Views and insights

I just flipped through the entries of the previous 1,5 years. I can hardly believe how much has happened in this time and how time flew! The more or less regularly appearing entries tell Albert’s story and how his story is linked with mine/ours. Sometimes I wonder whether my frequent picture taking is not making me too much of a spectator (rather than an actor) of the present. I wonder whether the moments are getting digitized in a too pedantic manner. On the other hand, this is how I perceive the present – through the lens. I capture a moment for now, for later and I do not only capture a glimpse of Albert’s history, I also reveal how I experienced it. For instance, how I saw the relationship between father and son. While looking through the „pages“, I realized how much time they spent together and how many intense moments I witnessed. Of course the camera also lies. Not necessarily in what it shows but in what it does not show. Albert’s tummy ache in the first there months, his regular wakings at night until the end of his first year of life. These are also a part of the story although they are much less documented (at least in pictures).

Before I started my phd and we moved to Sweden, I had stayed home with Albert for 6 months. After that, many things changed. I witnessed other parts of Albert’s life than before starting work and I took on a different role. Daddy became buddy no 1 and accompanied Albert with a lot of love and patience between month 6 and 17. I did not find it easy to handle being „the second“ choice, on the other hand one of the parents needs to be second (at least at times). Now, we are opening a new chapter. Here, in Rome (and later on for some more weeks in Sweden) I am home with Albert. At first, I was somewhat afraid of the change – a new task in a new environment. Certainly, we can not say a final word on the matter. But my sorrows have almost vanished now and I have started to realize that we are on a journey. We are discovering Rome, ourselves and each other. That the camera is a crucial part of this journey means a lot to me. The traces that it leaves may not be a thorough mirror of the reality and they may be rather one-sided. In any case, the images remain- certainly for moments like now, when I turn back the „pages“ and look into what life with Albert was like earlier on. And then I rediscover how special and beautiful my son is. That is certainly the most precious thing that the camera can do for me and for us.